who first proposed the law of effect, that rewarded behavior is likely to recur? This is a topic that many people are looking for. cfiva.org is a channel providing useful information about learning, life, digital marketing and online courses …. it will help you have an overview and solid multi-faceted knowledge . Today, cfiva.org would like to introduce to you Why Exes Come Back After You Ignore Them. Following along are instructions in the video below:
Whats up chris sader. Here and today. Were gonna be talking about the the ends and the out of why ignoring your ex will actually make them come.
Now if youre anything like me. The first thing youre probably wondering about before anything is wait do i even have a chance of getting my ex back well. If thats you and youre sitting there and wondering that i have great news for you ive actually put together a special quiz designed to answer.
This exact question for you. This quiz. Took me.
A few months to come up with and its pretty simple. It should only take you about two minutes to complete you will be taken to a page that asks you a bunch of questions about you your ex and your situation. Then based on how you answer those questions.
Were going to give you an idea of what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back. Were also going to be taking some of your answers and giving you specialized advice so if youre interested in taking that quiz. All you have to do is simply look in the description below this youtube video click on the link that you see there again all you have to do is simply look in the description of this youtube video and we will hook you up all right lets begin hey guys whats up today.
Were gonna be talking about why exes come back after you ignore them theres a lot of psychological research. Out there that id love to cover with you some of the things ive never talked about before so im actually really pumped to get started. So if you dont know who i am my name is chris sader.
I actually work with people through breakups so if theyre going through a breakup. I either help them either get over their ex or help them most of the time get their exes back. So ive had a lot of experience going down and kind of grinding away with people and understanding.
What works and what doesnt work when it comes to breakups and specifically one thing that me and my team have noticed over the years is that exes seem to come back after you ignore them and so that got me thinking why you know its its easy for me to have these assumptions.
Its easy for me to sit there and watch what happens and watch how many people are ignoring their exes and seeing how the exes are coming back. But why what processes go in to explain that and so it did a lot of research and actually found three or four psychological principles and be covering with you today. The first ones pretty standard.
You may have heard me talk about this before its called reactance. Its the theory of reactance. This is actually one of the reasons.
That the no contact rule works. So what is reactant well reactance basically states that people are born with certain behavioral freedoms. I have the freedom to talk to you right now but if that freedom becomes threatened or someone tries to take it away we react in a way to try to get the freedom back so.
If you consider a strategy like the no contact rule. Something that we talk about a lot there on the on this youtube channel. And on my website.
The no contact. Rule is essentially you taking a behavioral freedom from your ex. Away youre taking the freedom of having of them talking to you away from the equation by ignoring them right so it makes sense that they try to react in a way to try to get that freedom back.
And theres a lot of different reactions. Youll find xs have in circumstances like that they sometimes will call you incessantly. Theyll call your friends.
Theyll text you theyll show up at your house will show up at your work. Theyll try to call your family. Theres all sorts of reactions.
Ive seen a lot of crazy things over the years with with reactants and again thats probably the most straightforward definition of why ignoring someone works.
But i wanted to dive deeper. And so thats why id like to talk to you today about the zeigarnik effect. The guard effect.
Its the the basic definition of it is people remember uncompleted tasks better than completed ones. And i always like to explain it by the idea or the use of cliffhangers and tv shows. But i think i actually have a better explanation than kind of we can kind of use for our purposes.
Here today. So when you look at this well. Whats the first thing that you see well you see a circle.
But you see the circles uncompleted. You look at that and its existence annoys you because you know theres just that little area right. There that you want to fill in to make it a complete circle well when you ignore your ex.
This is kind of what happens to their brain. You essentially if you ignore them youre not telling them why that annoys them they want to create a completed task they want to fill in the blanks and have some logical reason for why youre ignoring them. And it intrigues them and it interests them and they start chasing you to try to fill in that circle.
If you will so by ignoring your ex and not giving them a reason for why youre ignoring them you actually put them in a position where theyre forced to chase you to find that reason out now thats all well and good. But it still really doesnt help us explain some of the ins and the outs of why ignoring someone it can actually or being a little bit more to the point here why playing hard to get works. Because thats really what ignoring your ex is all about or ignoring a guy or a girl is all about youre trying to appear more attractive to them.
Well. Thats where the uncertainty principle comes into play. Now.
The uncertainty principle is something that is new that ive never talked about before.
But its probably essential to explaining why men and women find those who play hard to get attractive. Now theres a lot that goes into attraction. But especially when it comes to uncertainty we tend to be more attracted or intrigued by uncertainty as opposed to certainty.
And theres a lot of research backing this up. And im actually gonna tell you two stories here. The first story is the rat story all right so this is uh.
This is kind of a cool story. Im about to tell you here so make sure you listen up scientists were wanting to determine how rats would react given certain certain rewards versus uncertain rewards. So what they did is they actually took two rats and created two mazes right so the rat.
If they completed the maze. Were going to get cheese. Which is kind of like the ultimate reward for a rat right so they end up taking these two rats and putting them in two different mazes.
One may was very complex they had to work to find their way to get to the cheese and the other maze was not complex. It was basically a straight shot right to the cheese they could see the cheese from the starting line. Now what they found common sense would have us dictate that rats dont really have a lot of self control right so the second that they see that cheese at the end of the starting line on the easy maze.
Theyre gonna just dive in and devour. It they found actually the opposite was true they found that because the rats saw the cheese. They understood hey i can get that cheese whenever i want and im not that interested right now ill get it when im hungry versus.
The rat who actually had to work to get the cheese. The uncertainty of having that reward the second the rat saw the cheese they devoured it this tells a lot about human behavior. It tells a lot about uncertainty and how when you create an uncertain principle.
When you lets say youre texting your ex and you do not respond right away you in fact ignore them for a couple of hours that actually can be more effective than responding right away all of the time because theres an uncertainty when were uncertain about how someone feels that is actually more intriguing to us now the second story.
I tell you is gonna be a little bit more closer at home. Its going to explain why uncertainty can make us more attractive so in this particular. Example.
Scientists took to man to man two men and a woman right so the men. The men were given a very simple directive they were supposed to go to facebook and rate. The womans profile that pretty simple right scale of one to ten one being the least attractive ten being the most attractive so the two men were then given different directives.
They said okay one of the men can tell the woman exactly what they rated as the profile. The other man can not tell the woman what they rated and so the first man gave the profile like a seven right and he told the woman and shes like okay. Thats pretty cool the second man said well i gave your profile.
Something and i gave it an interesting score. But but i cant tell you and they were looking to see which of the men. The women found or the woman found more attractive and it turned out that the woman found the man who would not tell her what he rated her as more attractive uncertainty.
The simple introduction of uncertainty into the equation automatically made man number two in this example more. Attractive. Why because youre not telling.
The woman. Exactly what she got in fact youre ignoring the fact that hey the other guy told. Her exactly what she got and im not going to and that actually that uncertainty made things a little bit more attractive and so if youre ever sitting.
There. And wondering why we actually recommend something like the no contact rule to get necks back or simply ignoring our waiting a few hours before you respond to your ex. You know obviously everythings situational.
But if youre wondering why we recommend these are the psychological concepts that we have found to be true over time. This is why it works so if youve ever wondered about uncertainty. If youve ever wondered about reactant or the zeigarnik effect or simply ignoring your ex and someones giving you a hard time about that simply point them to this video.
So that we can prove to them that uncertainty. Ignoring reactants things like these work .
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